The Charlie’s Angels of 1 BA Communication A
(The Penetration and Depenetration of their Relationship)
June 5, 2007, classes began at the University of the Philippines Mindanao. BA Communication Arts have two blocks for the academic year 2007-2008. Ms. J, Ms. K, and Ms. C (there initials were used for the privacy of their identity) belonged to Block A. During the first week of school, Ms. J, Ms. K and Ms. C were with the company of different groups in the block. Since, these three ladies are residents of the EBL dormitory; they started to be acquainted to each other. Later on they have established a good friendship.
Ms. J came from Tagum City, Ms. K came from Davao City and Ms. C came from Cebu City. Ms. J graduated from a public school while Ms. K and Ms. C both graduated from a Catholic school. Ms. J is currently in a relationship while Ms. K and Ms. C are both single. Although they grew up from different places, there personalities seem to be coherent. As time goes by, their companionship becomes tight.
Every morning they wake up simultaneously. Even though they are not roommates, they wait for each other to go to class together. They eat breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner together. It looks like they are glued to each other.
They started to share their beliefs, their notions about things in life and other stuffs. They began revealing their secrets, exchanging likes and dislikes and including their love lives. They also share stories from their past.
Suddenly, our block was alarmed because these ladies are having a fight for some reasons. For a month, Ms. J and Ms. K have not talk to Ms. C.
The friendship of these ladies is identified as the Social Penetration Theory of Irvin Altman and Dalmas Taylor. The closeness that they have right now is through their gradual process of revealing more about themselves which is known as self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is ate the core of the relationship development. Self-disclosure can be generally defined as the purposeful process of revealing information about you to others (West and Turner, 150). They have disclosed themselves consciously and unconsciously. The relationship that they have is slowly progressing from shallow communication to deeper and more personal ones.
They have become vulnerable with one another through sharing their personal belongings such as their beauty stuffs (face powder, lip gloss, etc.) or what we call as the “kikay kit”. They also let each other borrow their clothes like shirts and jogging pants for P.E. class.
In view of the fact that they spend more time with each other, the more they disclose the intimate thoughts and details of their lives.
Altman and Taylor describe people as onions. This is the multilayered nature of personality. The layers (concentric circles) of the onion represent various aspects of the person’s personality (West and Turner, 152). As the wedge nears the center, the onion skin gets tougher and more tightly wrapped. Altman and Taylor claim that the surface level this kind of biographical information exchange takes place in the first meeting (Griffin, 120).
The surface level of Ms. J is a 17 year old young lady who has a long hair and a slim body structure. Ms. K is also 17 years old that has a short brown hair and in shape body structure. Ms. C, a 17 year old girl from Cebu that has a curly long black hair and a chubby body structure.
There are series of stages of the social penetration:
Orientation: Exploratory Affective Affective Exchange: Stable stage:
Revealing bits of Exchange: Emergence of an Spontaneous communication; Efficient
ourselves to others individual’s personality use of personal idioms communication;
establishment of a
personal system of
communication
During the first of school, these 3 ladies were in the orientation stage (the first stage) of penetration. This occurs at the public level and only bits of information are revealed to others (West and Turner, 156). In this stage, they played safe with small talk and followed the standards of the norms of appropriateness. Evaluation and criticism are not emphasized during this stage. In this period, there was an exchange of simple information like, what school they graduated from, where they live and etc. of simple information. Their reaction to each other was very polite and they smile pleasantly. These ladies also avoided any conflicts during this stage to have further chance to size up each other. According to West and Turner, comments are usually on the cliché level and reflect superficial aspects of individuals.
In the orientation stage, the Communication Privacy Management Theory of Sandra Petronio is applied by these ladies. If and when an individual decides to reveal something previously concealed, then the revealer and the person now in-the-know usually adopt collective boundary rules to regulate their disclosure to third parties (Griffin, 126). The ladies still had their personal boundary rules that guided them whether they will disclose private information to each other. There was something that prohibits them to divulge private details and feelings. Since, these ladies came from different places and graduated from different schools, their culture was the major factor in deciding whether they will disclose or not their selves to each other.
Expectancy Violations Theory of Judee Burgoon was also identified during their first meetings or the orientation stage. This also includes the study of proxemics which means the study of people’s use of space as a special elaboration of culture (Griffin, 84). During the orientation stage, these ladies had their personal space. Personal space as defined by Judee Burgoon is the “invisible, variable volume of space surrounding an individual that defines that individual’s preferred distance from others.
On their first meetings, they were maintaining their social distance which is equal to 4 to 10 feet. Their public distance was not emphasized much because the three were block mates. As the semester pass, the distance that they were maintaining had been decreased from social to personal to intimate distance. This happened because they were slowly disclosing their privacy with each other.
On the following weeks, they were going on the second stage of penetration, the exploratory affective stage. The surface level of the onion was peeled off and the second layer was being exposed. This is called the casual relationship. This is an expansion of the public areas of the self and occurs when aspects of an individual’s personality begin to emerge (West and Turner, 157). The information that was once private has become public and they are not cautious telling something to each other. They started to express personal attitudes toward some things and reveal their selves and other semiprivate information about them. They informed each other about their likes and dislikes such as the colors they like the food they love and hate, etc. This also includes their music preference and clothes they are comfortable with. Ms. K and Ms. J shared a common interest in music because they both prefer the music during 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. Ms. K and Ms. J also like listening to violin. These ladies become more relaxed with each other compared to their first meetings. The whole truth of their personality was not yet uncovered during this stage but bit by bit they reveal it as the process goes on.
For the duration of this stage, the social distance that they were preserving for the first meetings was reduce to personal distance which is equal to 18 inches to 4 feet.
Before the first semester of academic year 2007-2008 ended, the second layer of the onion is peeled off and the third layer was presented. This is known as the affective stage. This stage is characterized by close friendships and intimate relationships (West and Turner, 158). In this period the ladies are comfortable with each other. This is the stage where they set off talking about private and personal matters. They initiate conversations about their crushes in school, their love lives including their family background. During this stage, Ms. J started to tell stories about her boyfriend and share her “kilig” moments with him to Ms. K and Ms. C. Ms. K also shared her past relationship with her ex-boyfriend. Arguments also arose in this stage, but these are simple and not too serious arguments which can be fixed easily. They also share their goals and ambitions in life. Ms. J wanted to be a flight stewardess, Ms. K wanted to be an architect and Ms. C just wanted anything. During this stage, they started going out. They went to malls to play in the arcade and have a coffee at Blugrè. We can observe that within this stage they get along very well.
When the second semester of 2007-2008 opened, these three ladies were in the fourth stage of penetration, the stable stage. This stage of penetration is attained in very few relationships. The third layer of the onion was peeled off and the fourth layer was put on view. This includes sharing religious beliefs, but since they are all Catholics they do not have any problem with this. As a matter of fact, every Wednesdays, they go to church and attend mass. This also includes talking about their fears in life and fantasies in life. There are also times that they tease each other which are done in friendly manner. In this stage, they are able to obtain open expressions of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.
Before they have reached the stable stage, the penetration process is paused. The reason for this is that there is an internal resistance and there are also societal norms against telling too much too fast (Griffin, 121). The Communication Privacy Management Theory applies on this one. They might think of the ricks and benefits of ratio of disclosing which is similar to the reward and cost of the social penetration theory.
The preservation of their relationship will vary with the breadth which refers to the number of various topics discussed in a relationship. Depth is also a factor in the preservation which refers to the degree of intimacy that guides topic discussions. As the onion is peeling off layer by layer, the breadth of penetration is broad and the depth of penetration is deeper than the first meetings. This process does not happen in just a blink, this is gradual. Penetration is rapid at start but slows down quickly as the tightly wrapped inner layers are reached (Griffin, 121).
In this procedure, the concept of self of each lady is not yet exposed. This is because the concept of self is in the inner core. We know that as we reach the inner core of the onion the layer is tightly wrapped.
Unfortunately, the relationship of these ladies is not able to complete the stable stage because of their fight. They have a misunderstanding about personal matters. Another factor in their fight is that they are not able to break through in the whole self concept of one another. They were not able to finish the four stages of penetration. Ms. J and Ms. K tried to put aside the conflict that caused their fight hoping that every thing will just be okay. But then, it did not work out.
The Social Exchange Theory of John Thibaut and Harold Kelley have the key concepts of social exchange- relational outcome, relational satisfaction, and relational stability (Griffin, 122).
The reward-cost ratio can be identified in this situation. Rewards are those relational events or behaviors that stimulate satisfaction, pleasure, and contentment in a relational partner whereas costs are those relational events or behaviors that stimulate negative feelings (West and Turner, 154). As Taylor and Altman point out, “rewards and costs are consistently associated with the mutual satisfaction of personal and social needs (West and Turner, 155).
The outcome of their relationship did not work out. The cost is maximized while the reward is minimized. This state of their relationship is harmful for them. Since the costs are greater than the rewards, the dissolution of their relationship takes place. The possibility that their relationship will survive is very minimal. The peeling off the layer of the onion has discontinued because they found out that there are no benefits in their relationship. This includes the breaking off in disclosing their selves to one another. If they continue their relationship even though the costs are higher than the rewards, this will not help in the survival of their relationship. They would just pretend that every thing is all right which is not good. So, before further conflict will happen they dissolve their relationship. These girls were not able to manage the conflict that arouse in their relationship.
Satisfaction is equal to Comparison Level (CL) which means “how happy or sad an interpersonal outcome makes a participant feel” (Griffin, 124). The girls are not able to meet their satisfaction because the outcome of their interpersonal relationship is heartbreaking. The outcome of their friendship is not attractive anymore. However, their relationship may still continue depending on the history of their past relationship with their other friends. If they had a history related to their situation right now, there is a possibility that their friendship can be fixed. Then again, it may take a while.
Stability is equal to Comparison Level of Alternatives (CLalt) which is a second standard by which we evaluate the outcome we receive and its position vis-á-vis actual interpersonal outcome shows the relative stability of the relationship (Griffin, 124). Since the possibilities of an attractive outcome are not available in their relationship, the stability will decrease. Ms. J and Ms. K found other friendship that is more attractive, so therefore they did not need to be stable in their relationship with Ms. C. The CLalt which is the stability of relationship will decrease.
In this case, depenetration has take place. This means that the friendship starts to be abolished and costs go over rewards. This is followed by an extraction of disclosure and termination of friendship. Expectancy Violations Theory will again happen. The personal distance that they have established during the process will be closed down. Ms. J and Ms. K will now maintain their public distance to Ms. C and vice versa.
As of now Ms. J and Ms. K are carefully maintaining their public distance to Ms. C to prevent any conflict that can further put a scar in their friendship. When the conflict will resolve? We still do not know when that will happen. The resolution of their conflict is still hanging.
If there comes a time that their conflict will be resolved, they would probably start the penetration process all over again.
Social penetration process is step by step procedure. This will take time. This is to assert the relationships of the people that develop their interpersonal communication to others. Social penetration is known to be a cyclical and dialectical for the reason that there is a continuous penetration from public information to private ones.
The deeper a person allows someone to penetrate into him, the greater the disclosure is. This is the affective information and public and private information a person will disclose to another. On the other hand, a person is not likely to disclose private information to many people.
Before the conflict had arouse the disclosure were open and sharing. When the conflict has tale place, it stopped and closed. In the case of Ms. J, Ms. K and Ms. C, they did not get automatically get better during their first meetings because they slowly learning more and more about each other. In a relationship, tensions and conflicts occur. It so happen that they were not able to work through these tensions and conflicts.
The relationship of these girls will still be in their hands. It will still depend to them on how they will handle their friendship.
